Geek Kingdom RPG Attack of the Gnomes Part II

On the subject of gnomes, and oh how Mike(GM) hates gnomes, I had an instance of playing one one night whilest I was an undergrad of at the university. It was Todd and Mike and I , but we needed a third player so we began to contact the other nerds that played so we might find fodder to shield us from the canons as it were.

Now we did find a guy, he had two first names, like Adam Allen, or George Dick, or something similar. He was a strange bird, and upon calling, our phone call went something like this...

"Hello is this (insert strange name here)"?
"I think I am" was his enigmatic, creepy answer.

Anywho after we all got together, he was different from the players we had seen. He insisted on playing a half ogre named "Smash". He would tank around smashing through doors, and such, scarring normal folk and dragging us into trouble with a capital 'T'. I was a gnome combo class, most assuredly, magicker/thief, all with a Spanish accent. Think Antonio Banderas meets PePe le Peu . I think I might have dry humped everyones legs, telling them it was a secret gnomish "friction magic".

Our trouble started over sparklies, and the ogre, and the market and finally a brothel, the Cat's Meow. Now of course, the sparklies in question were glass gems that I, Rikardo, tricked the ogre into trading his coins for "big gems"... hehehehehe. His intelligence and wisdom were very low, so it was akin to a raging bull and a china shop. Some urchins stole his sparkles, and he went crashing through the market, and even sent me into some vegetable carts, chasing the street rats into a brothel.

The whorehouse in question had entertainment, and one entertainer had on sparkles, and little else, that grabbed poor Smash's attention. He caused a ruckus before throwing his glitter gal over his shoulder and stalked into the street. The Cat part of the business was the metaphor. The she devil was really a she cat with a bad case of lycanthropy. She clawed his back and most of his front until it became a pulpy, raw hamburger mess of flesh and bone and sinew.

We were not clerics by any means, and its hard to move that amount of goo unless you have a biggie size wheel barrel. So we had to go it without the big guy. He never played with us again... never called or anything. Maybe it was the secret gnomish magic thing... you tell me.